Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
