how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
