that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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