i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
