Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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