All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
