like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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