We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
