im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
50% drunk capacity currently
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
