After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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