he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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