He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
