Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
