She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
