I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
