She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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