dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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