Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
