susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
