Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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