Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
