Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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