My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
