I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
