last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
