I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
