She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
