shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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