If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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