So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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