i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
