I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
