Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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