So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
