1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
