thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
