yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
