Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
