Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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