No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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