I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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