god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
