We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
