when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
