If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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