here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
