dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
