So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i've created a new STD.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
