good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
