I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
