Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
