I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
