i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
