I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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